WELCOME ANGER & HATRED

WELCOME ANGER & HATRED

The first thing that I explain to someone who is depressed is what depression is. It is actually a state where the good qualities of the mind have become weak but the bad qualities have become stronger. It is said that stress leads to depression. When the body is tired, the mind is tired, so one becomes easily angry. Then this anger grows until depression sets in. For me, it is then very clear that depression is a reduction in the good qualities of the mind, while meditation is a cultivation of its good qualities. That is so clear. If you meditate and start cultivating as much good qualities that you possibly can, and these actually grow, then depression will be gone. ~ Sayadaw U Tejaniya.

The words of this fantastic meditation teacher is exactly what happens when someone goes through depression. Not even a better explanation comes close to this. I have been studying and watching my mind since I came out from a retreat cum workshop 1 week ago. Watching and being with whatever is in the mind. Letting it come and just letting it be until it goes away and comes again. Times when you loose track of watching or stop being aware you will tend to join in the so –call party that is going inside the wilful mind.

These days, after recognising the cause and learning the tool to watch the mind, the physical alignment is back to normal. In fact, I feel much stronger and in tune with the both body functions and emotions, when previously all these were in chaos and havoc only 2 weeks ago. However, the mind has started to rewind all the remnants of the defilements once again. Often distracting the awareness, if one is not careful. The defilement this time is anger which suddenly arrived and has been staying around for few days. Quietly watching anger does it tricks, I also got sucked in unaware and unmindfully, giving in to its suggestions that the thoughts are real. Hey, but its fun to also play with anger when you feel frustrated and angry. To let off some unreleased steam and tension that has been left suppressed for quite awhile.

As long as we know that the anger thoughts are also just the remake of unpleasant scenes that has passed. The mind still holds on as the ego mind wants to play the role of being victimised. As I observe further to see why has anger arrived and stayed so long, it occurred to me that it is probably the dropping of the self-guilt that no longer wants to stay, therefore the mind is looking for someone to put the blame on. Therefore, peeling off the layer of self-guilt, the layer under that would be anger. Does this mean that I have forgiven myself ? Really letting go of the self-guilt and blame ? Hopefully so but yet to be ascertained.

Anger and hatred, a good combination. Since they are here, I will entertain them as my guests. They will eventually stay awhile and will leave too as like many other guests who have visited. I will be with them until they go, for when they go we will have new guests visiting ~ new thoughts transforming into another layer of emotions. Maybe defiled, maybe undefiled. Peeling all layers until we reach the ultimate true nature which was originally there, enabling the presence of inner peace and happiness once more.

Till then, welcome Anger & Hatred...

“The only devils in the world are those running in our own hearts.” - Gandhi

“Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.”

It’s sometimes not enough to just challenge our thoughts, we need something more. We need someone who is going to inspire us on a deeper level, emotionally, so we can face our pain (or keep our gaze on the bandaged place) and say, “I see that there is pain right now and I’ll care for it, I can do this.” Ultimately, even if we are inspired by a person outside of us, they are inspiring something within us that has been there all along. – Martin Luther King Jr.